| T -1 day post
After reading the first two submissions for the annual AFTSD, I quickly realized
there was no way in hell I could write anything of that nature that could compare.
I've never submitted anything for AFTSD in the past, but had decided I would
like to try this year. Hmmm… what to do…. Well, the old saying to write
what you know. What do I know? I know how to be a cynical, sarcastic bastard,
so that could be a good starting point.
At some point, little more than three years ago, I had played with the idea of creating an
ASS-C Purity Test. I worked up about 40 or so questions, but lost interest and never
completed it. I've decided to revive the project.
ASS-C PURITY TEST
Give yourself 1 point for each question that you answer with a yes. All
technicalities count.
1) Have you ever entered a strip club?
Scoring:
0 - 100% purity. You're the kind of person who thinks ATF is a government agency, an
ATM is a machine and mileage is what you put on your car. You walk past piano stores
without the slightest urge to go inside, unless you happen to know how to play a piano.
The concept of paying a woman money to remove her clothes is as foreign to you as
are snowshoes to a native of Miami. You view strip clubs and the adult
entertainment industry as a whole as sinful, dirty, corrupting and just plain bad.
You avert your eyes when walking past a newsstand rack with Playboy and Penthouse
on it. You only think chaste thoughts, read the Bible every night before going to
sleep, never cheat on your taxes, wife or even at solitaire. When viewed at the
correct angle, a faint halo can be seen over your head.
1 - 0% purity. For you, an ATM pays his ATF for mileage. Or rather, you pay
your ATF for the pleasure of her attention. You've got a second mortgage on the
house to pay the loans to the piano salesman, who knows you by name. The strip clubs
you go to don't bother to collect a cover charge from you anymore - they know they'll make
their money from you at the bar. Dancers know your name, birthdate, kids' names and
the name of your dog. And you know the same of them. When you hear a song on
the radio, it brings to mind the dancer that typically dances to that song. You
believe that the label 'pathetic loser' is a badge of honor. When you see an
attractive woman on the street, you try to figure where she dances. Strip clubs are
your life - you think about them daily, incessantly. You firmly believe that if you
give enough money to any woman, she would take her clothes off for you. For you, the
world exists solely to titillate you and serve your basest needs.
PIC
Strip Mining: Going to several strip clubs in one night to find a dancer that'll
give you the mileage you want. |