From: saxbeat@zbone.com (Saxbeat)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.strip-clubs
Subject: ASSC - AFTSD: Moderation in Strip Clubs
Date: 2 Dec 2003 10:07:05 -0800
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Contrary to what you might expect, I have met a lot of interesting
people through the Internet. I've even made life-long friends. I've
met smart people, caring people, great people, successful people, nice
people, confused people, stupid people, disturbed people, scary people
and even some downright losers.

Strip clubbing seems to be the great equalizer. It brings together men
and women from all walks of life and mixes them together like some
kind of erotic alchemy: Can we create one golden moment from a
cauldron of sleaze?

For me, going to strip clubs is an occasional hobby. I like women. I
like seeing them naked. I like occasionally having one rub her mostly
or completely naked body over mine in a provocative way. It's pretty
simple. I don't need high mileage, and most of the time, I don't
really even want it, but I don't complain when it comes my way.

One thing that worries me though, is seeing friends obsessing - truly
obsessing - about clubs.

Overall, nothing is wrong with having an obsessive hobby, whether it
be off-road motorcycles, golf, hang-gliding, stamp collecting, toy
trains, sky diving or Star Trek. But strip clubs seem to be
particularly "dangerous," because one is unlikely to hang all hopes on
another hobby, to have one's heart broken, or to catch an STD. :)
Yeah, a 40-year-old man who dresses up like Mr. Spock and goes to Star
Trek events on a weekly basis is more than a little sad, but he's
probably not spending a huge hunk of his salary on his hobby, and
unlike clubbing, he probably shares his interests with real friends
who know where he lives and see him outside of Trekker conventions.

It can be a bit worrisome when you see a friend putting all of his
life energy into clubbing. He memorizes posts on ZBone or ASS-C. He
knows way too many dancers' schedules. He plans all his spare time -
even vacations - around clubbing. (Reminds me of a friend who is a
Disney-phile who was completely FREAKED OUT that I was going to Paris
and not even considering visiting Euro Disney... i.e., you can go to
San Francisco without including MBOT in your plans.) He denies himself
treats or even necessities because he is saving for (or broke from) a
clubbing binge. He chides you for not having read a cool post on ZBone
the night before.

(And the whole "friend" question is troubling: Time after time, I talk
to guys who think it's different for them: They have real *friends* in
the club. Time after time, I talk to dancers who say, simply,
"Bullshit." You start to wonder, does this person really think of me
as a friend, or am I just someone to spend time with between dancers?)

The worst thing though, is watching a guy throw away career
advancement, friends and family because clubbing goes from being the
most important leisure activity, to becoming the ONLY thing he cares
about. When clubbing becomes indistinguishable from other forms of
addiction, it is time to worry.

Hey, I've gone through my "phases." I've had times where I've sat in
the same club three nights a week. I've had times when I've hit a
*different* club five nights a week. I've had times when I called the
club to see if a certain dancer was working, and was crushed if she
wasn't and elated if she was -- maybe to the point  where it made or
broke my day. And once I even went shopping with a dancer that I
wasn't fucking at the time.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

So I know what it's like to be a true Pathetic Loser. I'm not proud of
it, but it's added to my Lifetime Experience Quotient, and I've come
through it with a little bit of sad and wonderful understanding. I
wouldn't say it's made me a better person, but it's made me a wiser
one.

Ultimately, though, what brings me out of my phases, is having
friends, family and activities that have nothing to do with clubbing,
that keep me grounded, that I enjoy enough to lead me to ask myself,
when I am sitting bleary-eyed at 2am in some godforsaken dive with
some strange woman on my lap, "What the hell am I doing here?"

So, to the topic of this screed, clubs are designed to bring out
extremes in emotion: highs of physical sensation, spending and erotic
activity. They also often bring out lows in politeness, normal
interaction, greed and depravity. What clubs work against in every way
is moderation. So it is up to us, the club-goers and dancers to figure
out what is moderate for us. What are our limits, where are our
boundaries, what are we willing and unwilling to sacrifice for a night
of pleasure?

Moderation is a good thing, but we will never achieve it if we don't
recognize our extremes. One achieves moderation through balance. If
you look at your life right now, and see what is balancing your strip
club activities, you will get a picture of whether you are perhaps
overdoing it. First, *is* there anything balancing your clubbing? Are
you out of control, or reined in? Do you spend money you shouldn't, or
do you have limits (or God forbid, a budget)? Do you have other
activities and friends, even if perhaps they aren't as satisfying? Or
is strip clubbing the only thing you do, and are dancers/clubbers the
only people you interact with?

Again, I'm not saying anything is wrong with clubbing. I'm not even
saying anything is wrong with *extreme* clubbing, where it becomes the
most important activity in your life. And really, there is nothing
wrong if clubbing is the only thing in your life, as long as it makes
you happy and you aren't hurting others (like spouses and kids). But
if clubbing is a guilty pleasure that makes you feel bad, that makes
you feel chaotic and out of control, that drives a wedge between you
and your loved ones, or makes you lie, or causes your job performance
or ambition to suffer, then you might consider a little moderation.
(And if that isn't possible, maybe quitting cold turkey.... Nah, that
can't be done. <g>)

In closing, for those of you reading this and wondering, "Is Sax
talking about me?" the answer is "no." This really is about a
composite of guys I've met, and isn't about or directed at any one
person. Hell, it's about _i_me_i_ as much as anyone. That said, if you
have to ask, maybe you should think about what I've said here. :)

saxbeat
P.S. Blame Squid for this post... He trolled at ZBone and that
inspired me to post here. :)