The following is an e-mail sent to me by a dancer who had recently quit the business. She was my all time favorite and since we had taken to corresponding by e-mail, I asked what bugged her about dancing. She seemed so glad to be out of it. Here is her reply. [ In light of recent discussions about the "psychic cost" to dancers, I thought it was time to dust this off.] =============================================================== [Another dancer I asked about] and I are not at all close right now; in fact, we hadn't seen each other out side of work in months until out last night (she quit, too) when we left together and burned symbolic g-strings in the parking lot of her apartment, then talked about all the things we would never miss. Which brings me to your second question. Please don't take these things personally - if I found you loathsome, I wouldn't be typing this right now. ;) An easier question would be, "What doesn't bother me about dancing." But I'll try to address it with a list. ;) 1. We both know the dancer stereotypes that exist: Prostitute, drug addict, dumb broad. Hopefully we both know that they don't apply to me? But you can only be offered money for sex so many times before you start feeling like a whore. Or how about sideways comments; i.e. you're dancing for one guy at a table and you overhear his friend stage-whispering, "I wonder how much she costs." I'm tired of people assuming I'm for sale - actually, I'm tired of being for sale, which any dancer is even if she's not prostituting on the side. And it gets old being constantly asked, "Where did you go to school?" and having someone patronize you, assuming you're lying when you answer "Podunk University" instead of adult ed GED workshop dropout. If there is anything I hate it's being called a liar, 'cause I hold honesty in the highest regard, and I've been called one more times dancing than at any other time in my life: you're lying if you don't drink, you're lying if you don't get high, you're lying if you're monogamous, you're lying about how much you make or don't make. 2. I'm tired of being told that what I've got is worthless just because I won't show it/give it/sell it. Example: Why not hon, you ain't got nothin' I ain't seen before, or, What do you think you have gold in those britches, etc. Now, logic tells me that if it was worthless, they wouldn't be after it so hard, but being told so many times that it's nothing is hard to ignore after the first 2000 comments have worn your self worth into a barely throbbing nub. 3. I'm tired of some asshole thinking my $50 bra would make a good souvenir. 4. I'm tired of getting my ass grabbed, my tits licked, my crotch brushed intentionally across or pinched, watching some idiot frat-boy pick up my shorts and smell 'em and having to laugh like I think he's being cute, etc - thinks that any woman on the street would consider harassment or assault but that we put up with every night. 5. I'm tired of pretending to be glad to see someone who gets on my nerves but forks out a lot of cash. I'm tired of listening to other people's problems on days when my own are overwhelming. I'm tired of pretending to be a party girl when I want to be at home reading a book! 6. I'm tired of hearing so many bullshit lines that I can't even take a compliment from a stranger or even from someone I love without questioning motive. 7. I'm tired of calling foreplay dancing in order to justify getting paid for it!!!!!! 8. I'm tired of 150 people a night having an opinion on how I've done my hair, or whether I've gained or lost weight, or which outfit I should have worn, and no one having the same opinion, of course. 9. I'm tired of guys getting hostile with me because I don't hit their $5-10 table instead of the $200 one across the room. I'm tired of getting pinched or burnt with cigarettes or lighters or some other subtle torture because some jerk is mad at the world or at his old lady or the girl who broke his heart in high school. 10. I'm tired of carrying on three or four pseudo-relationships at a time with regulars who I see more often than I see my actual boyfriend who is really the one I want to spend time with. 11. I'm tired of coming home and not being able to look my boyfriend in the eyes because I'm ashamed of the fact that I'm supposed to be committed to him emotionally and physically and I've spent the whole night rubbing my crotch on another man's lap and I feel in my gut that it's wrong. And so does he. I'm tired of being jumpy about being looked at or touched at home where it's supposed to be safe. I'm tired of sexy being a job and not something personal to share with him. I'm tired of catering to other men all night and coming home too exhausted emotionally to give anything to him or even myself. Is that enough? I'm sure I could come up with more but I need to get in the shower, LOL! Again, I don't want you to take this stuff personally. Like I said, I wouldn't be writing this if I held you in the kind of low esteem that, after 2 1/2 years of dancing, I hold most strip club patrons and for that matter, men in general. And I may sound like a bitch for saying it all, but I guarantee it's the same thing that every dancer I know cries about in the dressing room or at home no matter what she tells you while she's at work, because I've heard them doing it. It's not the specific patrons that get to you, it's all of it piled up, little by little, over time, that wears you down. It's having no future, no benefits, etc., too, on top of the parts of the job that bug you. In fact, they turned over the new laws [requiring dancers to register with the city, the impetus for this dancer to quit, not wishing to have her name as part of public record...] in court today, I just found out. And I'm still not going back. As for how I'm bringing home the bacon, I'm not yet. I'm job-hunting starting Monday and I'll do just about anything (except fast food!) that I can keep my clothes on and do. Whew! Glad I got that all out! Thanks for asking, and listening. [Many of you know who wrote this; I would ask that you keep her name out of responses unless she appears to make comments herself. She approved the idea of posting it, but is very interested in maintaining her privacy. So please, nothing about where she is or her name. She has stayed out of dancing and is moving on very nicely. And I think she sounds much happier now. -DF] *DragonFly*