From: laar@ix.netcom.com (Laar) Subject: BYODTing @ ASSCon LV4 Was this the year of playing musical BYODs or what? It looks like our collective social skills have bottomed out. Or peaked, I guess, depending on how you look at it. BYODs were being traded and stolen like pro athletes. Ever watch piranahs fight over goldfish? It was kinda like that. So, we need a new Glossary entry: BYODT (1/99, LMR) - BYOD-Thief (or BYOXD-Thief, for ex-dancers), someone who steals another ASSCer's BYOD. The BYODT can be male or female, and you can still be considered a BYODT even if you bring your own dancer and then abandon her for someone else's BYOD. For the ASSCon following that at which the BYODTing occurred, the BYODT must wear a blindfold, thick gloves and a diaper to block any stimuli that might indicate the presence of a stealable BYOD. Except for LMR; he gets a general anaesthetic and a chastity belt, while the rest of us gorge ourselves on Viagra and raw oysters. The precident for this type of social foul was inadvertantly set by yours truly at LV3, where I was smitten by someone else's BYOD, who it turns out was attached to at least three other guys, including a fiancee. My official explanation was that it was an accident; I thought she was just tagging along with Sai's BYOD. This year I really paid the price: I arrived and left with my date, The Kid, though I did indulge in a brief fling with Sick66. Anyway, if I have it straight, the ASSCon LV4 BYODTing went something like this: TallGuy + Rita & Sai + Karen --> Sai + Rita DragonFly + Sharon --> DragonFly + Karen --> LMR + Karen --> DragonFly + LMR + Laar + Karen's neck and ears J2K + Tristen --> LMR + Tristen i.e., LMR + nobody --> LMR + everybody Truth + Sydney --> Sydney + various PLs and one babe at Hard Rock LLC + Sequoia --> LLC + ? + ? & Sequioa + the babe in red panties who really needed Laar but didn't realize it --> the babe in red panties who really needed Laar but didn't realize it + Karen (OH BABY!) + Rita And some of these people have called *me* a slut. Sheesh... It actually got worse than this, but some of the trades are better struck from the record. Maybe there should also be an entry for ABYOD (Abandoned BYOD) and ABHOD (Abandoned Brought-His-Own-Dancer), for the dudes who get ditched. Or how about BMODBWTFISN - brought my own dancer but where the fuck is she now? Hey, this could give birth to a whole new social order, with new customs to fit the ASSCulture. Like, for example, if you BYODT accidently, it doesn't count. And the statute of limitations for BYODT penalties is exactly one year. (These two clauses make me exempt from punishment for the '97 indicent. Nyah, nyah.) Or, if you commit a BYODT and "close the deal" where no deal had previously been closed, you must refund the BYODer half of the cost of getting the BYOD to ASSCon. But, if you fail to close the deal where deals had already been closed by the original BYODer, and thereby deprive the original BYODer of more deals, then you are exempt, but the BYOD must give her BYODer a full refund. Regardless, the BYOD must email an apology to her original BYODer for thinking with her pussy instead of her head. However, if your BYOD disappears with an obscenely wealthy basketball player, she must get pregnant with triplets, sue for a hideous amount of child support, sell the kids for medical experiments, and donate the proceeds to Laar. Just a thought. -- Laar Bay Area Strip Club Guide www.netcom.com/~laar/index.htm