And there are plenty of guys who'll "settle" on somebody for various
reasons. Many guys may be "threatened" by an intelligent, attractive
woman who has high expectations of him that he won't (or can't) deliver.

I for one went the opposite way and sought intelligent, attractive
people. Unfortunately, 10 years ago I was lonely, naive, inexperienced,
dressed like a geek, and  was not "connected" in the Connecticut city I
migrated to from the Midwest for my first job after college. That and
intelligent, attractive women not yet married by 25 tended to go to
larger cities where they could exceed the expectations placed by family
and friends living in a place where they grew up. (There were also a
helluva a lot more strip clubs outside Connecticut.)  I had not yet
discovered the more pleasurable "dark side" (either home or while
traveling), and I felt like I couldn't get any woman notice me as a
person or even as a piece of meat (either would have been fine).  Dating
services just made the stereotyping worse. I eventually settled for
someone who seemed fun but was in fact troubled emotionally and
extremely dependent on other people for approval. We married seven years
ago, and settled in California, where my career finally took off and I
finally learned how to dress myself (some things take time for geeks).

As I realized I would have no capability to make her better (and that no
sex would be forthcoming), the dark side seemed nicer and nicer.
Job-related travel has become more and more attractive, and besides, my
wife had a cat to play with while I'm gone. Unfortunately, her friends
tend to figure her out after a while and keep their distance.

Ironically, while she has remained troubled emotionally and become more
screwed up mentally, she has improved her facility with the computer.
One day, while I was overseas recently, she stumbled upon a cryptic file
name (which I neglected to delete from my old Mac's "Recent Documents"
folder in the Apple Menu). She accidently opened it, and presto, there
was a copy of my post about my lap dancing experiences in Fort
Lauderdale, including a mini-history of my strip clubbing.  She revealed
it to me during a phone call to me in Hungary, and just wanted to make
sure I still loved her. I said I did (I lied as I have for several
years), and that evening went off to a strip club in Budapest and hooked
up with a prostitute. At least she hadn't made me promise not to go
again.

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. While I have a slight degree of
guilt about hiding what has become a significant part of my life from my
wife, I feel that "other life" is what keeps me sane and is cheaper than
paying for alimony or for burial expenses should she commit suicide if I
leave her. (Yes, the potential is there.)   My wallet, my travel
itinerary and my work schedule tends to dictate when I go to strip clubs
anymore, and I have a very strong resistance anymore to anything that
will not allow me a high degree of contact or conversation. The
exception is my local DC area hangout on Saturday afternoons, the
Crystal City restaurant, essentially a reasonably priced bar and grill
with go-go dancers. It gives me the chance to witness beauty in a
pressure-free environment, enjoy a good meal served by gorgeous
waitresses, and not feel like an ATM.

IN the end, I am convinced now that we all settle for less than what we
want, but we want enough to keep us going. As far as meeting the
luscious, well-endowed, leggy, twinkly-eyed strip club dancer who'll
take me away from the ashes of my personal life.... I've learned it's
better to have dreams than expectations. Reality is always a letdown.

ENGNR1