Official A.S.S-C ButtonGlossary™

Version 01-Oct-2001

Revised by SamKool


  • Supersedes all previous versions
  • If it matters, it's in here
  • If it doesn't, it's not
  • I'm a lazy fuck
  • Feel free to do your own glossary
  • All trademarks (™) herein are the sole property of ASS-C.COM™ and its principals. Commercial and non-commercial publication and usage of any trademark by a non-ASSCer™ without the express written consent of ASS-C.COM™ is strictly prohibited under the laws of the United States federal Copyright Act, U.S.C. ¶¶ 501 et seq. and the International Trademark Treaty.

(==/`=)™ [ALS, 6/96] - A rim shot.


-->™ (ALS, 8/95) - The generally accepted indicator used in the news group A.S.S-C to designate who said what in a post.


AFTSD™, A Fail To Suck Day™ (SaiBaba, 12/02/96) - An annual event; the day when all ASSCers™ are called to post original, almost original, and/or creative articles to A.S.S-C. All forms of written expression are permitted.


AGENT 1.7 - News and email reader for the PC. Has excellent news and email kill filters for weeding out spam. [download crack from]


Air Dance - When there is no contact whatsoever during a private dance.


ALS, a.k.a.: ThePope (5/12/95) - The actual meaning of A-L-S remains a mystery. Founder of NCSFPUB.COM, CPSF.COM, author of The LBB™ & MPCN™. Whereabouts unknown. Rumored occupation: ASSCia™ Director


A.S.S-C (Ay-Ess-Ess-See) - (1) Alt.Sex.Strip-Clubs, the Usenet news group devoted to discussions about the strip club industry; (2) if you know what A.S.S-C means, you are a "member" of this group; (3) a 'force' that is greater than its collective membership; (4) if members don't contribute, there is no group.

  • #ass-c™ (ALS, 8/21/96) - The 24 hour IRC channel. On 8/21/96, 11:00 PM PST, the first participants on #ass-c™ were: ALS, Bubba, fuf, 1 Mo' Bob, and The Kid. The IRC FAQ can be found at


A.S.S-C Glossary™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1995) – This publication.


ASSC-HQ™ (Rinus DeGier, 3/96) - ASSC [World] Head Quarters. Location? Inquire with the ASSCia™ Director…


ASSCasino™ (Doctrine King, 8/12/98) - Opened by the Doctrine King 12-Aug-98. Check with the bookie for the Latest Line on A.S.S-C, ASSCers™, and ASSCing™. No minimum’s. All forms of ASSCurrency™ accepted: LDEs™, 187s, CP-4-3s™…


ASSCer™ (Ay-Ess-Ess-See-Er, ALS, 9/2/95) - If you know what A.S.S-C means, you are an ASSCer™. Resistance is futile, Denial is rampant.


ASSCholar™ (ALS, 12/15/96) - An ASSCer™ in tune with the history and the present goings on in and of this world we call A.S.S-C.


ASSCia™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1995, - Don't ask, don't get killed. Rumored Director: ALS


ASSCience™ (SamKool, 9/99) – The science of ASSCing™.


ASSCing™ (Ay-Ess-Ess-Seeing, ALS, 9/02/95) - Posting, lurking, or socializing with and/or without other ASSCers™ inside and/or outside a strip club.


ASSCnn™ (Ted Turner, 9/21/97) - A.S.S-C's news and information service. Parent company of LNS™. Mission Statement: "Lapping the World to bring you the news you need."


ASSCon*™-* (ALS, 4/15/96) - Prefix for the name of any A.S.S-C event. i.e.: ASSCON™-1, ASSCon™-LV2, ASSConvoy™-1


ASSCON™-1 - The first ever A.S.S-C Convention, held 5/26/96 at the CP in SF, hosted by ALS, now an historic event. Held annually in SF.


ASSCounsel™ (ALS, 8/95) - Full service law firm representing ASSCers™ in all legal matters public and/or private, civil and/or criminal, pre and/or post marital.


ASSCulture™ (Laar, 1/14/99) - Be a part of it, or apart from it.


ASSCycle™ (ALS, 5/96) - A cycle of ASSCing™; the loss and regaining of enthusiasm for ASSCing™. The theory is that each cycle has five mini cycles within it, also known as 'legs' or 'waves'. After the fifth leg, the crash is devastating, but not unrecoverable.


ASSCylum™ (DrD, 2/04/99) - Take a good look around… I mean a GOOD look… Now look in the center… Who do you see?


ATF™ (ALS, 10/95) - All Time Favorite stripper. You can only have 1 designated as such at any given time. Can be a current or retired stripper, dead or alive.


ATM (DougLee) - From a dancer's perspective, a strip club customer; i.e., a robotic device from which to extract money.


blind lap™ (Z Bone, 5/96) - (1) the SC equivalent of a blind date; "BEFORE getting ANY laps, watch them do laps for other customers." At the minimum, watch them dance on stage. DO NOT get a blind lap™. This is a NO NO to the max."


BLT™, butt-licking toady™ (DougLee, 1996) - dancer-suckup, sycophant. An ASSCer™ whose lips instantly and firmly attach themselves to any poster claiming to be a dancer, will agree with any proposition she puts forth, defend her against any criticism, forces of darkness (DougLee, etc.) and be grievously offended on her behalf when someone makes a comment construed as insensitive about dancers.


Bob "fill in the blank" Smyth (12/95, - An SF ASSCer™ with his name divided by whatever's happening at the moment. Noted for his unusually comfortable ASSCing™ attire, pajamas.


boof™ (Dr.Mazoola, 9/97) - A CP booth.


BTDT™ (ALS, 11/95) - been there, done that


Bubba, a.k.a. Purreena (10/95, - A CP regular, pole-position pervert, Crotch Pirate, HMS™ occupant, ALS & Edie's slave puppy, and the most personable ASSCer™ of us all. Rumored occupation: Chief of A.S.S-C Protocol


BYOD™ (ALS, 1/29/96) - Bring Your Own Dancer. The current favorite way to "One up" other ASSCon™ participants.


BYOSB™ (JasmineTea, 11/14/97) - Bring Your Own Scummy Boyfriend, a.k.a.: Marc182


CH - Crazy Horse, SF


ChezMaz™ (Dr.Mazoola, 3/97) - Dr.Mazoola's residence, which is pretty much a Stripper Hostel for Hostile Strippers.


chubby™ (Shango, 1999) - when your dick is anywhere in the state between "noticeably on the way to erection" and "full raging hardon", inclusive.


ClubCrud™ (JasmineTea, 1/15/98) - The stuff strippers need to scrub off of their bodies after a hard nights work.


CMG (c.12/93, - A.S.S-C's resident master of irony. A tall, attractive blonde, with nipple rings.


CP - Chez Paree, SF


CP-4-3™, CP-4-4™ (Bubba, 5/96) - CPing on ThursdayFridaySaturday or FridaySaturdaySunday night. CP-4-4™ is an extension of CP-4-3™.


customer damage (3/96) - counterpart of "stripper damage"; customer damage is caused by chronic exposure to high concentrations of stripper shit and, unfortunately, can only be treated with more stripper shit. compare "stripper damage"


customer shit (Saxbeat, 6/96) - customer equivalent of stripper shit; see "stripper shit"


DP™ (Z Bone, 6/95) - Dancer Politics.


DrD (Dr.D, - Eclectic, Schizophrenic, Eclectic Schizophrenic. Has Floe figured you two out yet? Rumored occupation: Nutritionist for the ASSCia™.


Dr.Mazoola (c.3/97, - San Francisco's fearless SC Wunderkind. Even though he was once married to a dancer, Maz continues to seek out their company as roommates and long-term houseguests. Slumlord of ChezMaz™. Rumored occupation: ASSCia™ landlord


DV or DJV - Déjà vu. A nation-wide chain of strip clubs.


epiphanistic™ (ALS, 11/97) - displaying symptoms of an impending Epiphany.


Epiphanizer™ (ALS, 11/97) - a) A stripper that makes you see the light… and destroys your life… b) MsGinger puts it like this: "The one who brings you to this place you now find yourself…"


ESP™ (Dr.Feelgood, 9/09/98) - Extra Service Provider(s)


EYE ( - Enigmatic, acid tongued, hard drinking, deep thinking, bile disgorging, cauldron stirring, mystery seeking, bottom dwelling, theory spewing ASSCer™ from Brooklyn. Intimidating bark, inconsequential bite. Visiting ASSCers™ are encouraged to take the EYE tour, where your host will be sure to accommodate even the *least* discriminating tastes. Rumored occupation: Hammer for the ASSCia™.


GFE™ (c. 1995) - Girl Friend Experience


Glossarist - Keeper of this publication.


GodziLap™ (Z Bone/LMR, 1996) - Getting lapped by a Godzilla sized stripper due to the generosity of a fellow ASSCer™.


Gonzallo Gonzista (6/98, - Architect and visionary of Pervometry™.


gurule™ (Oldguru, 1999) - A gurule™ a day keeps the PEs™ at bay. Random example: "All waitresses should be groped."


HMIC™ (Shango, 12/05/99) – Head Mushroom In Charge, a.k.a. SamKool.


HMS™ (Bubba, 3/29/96) - The High Mileage Seat at the CP. Facing the stage, the third seat from the left wall along the tip rail. In reality, the HMS™ is wherever Bubba is sitting.


HMSing™ - Perving it up in the HMS™


HOF(P) - Hall Of Fame (Post).


Hurl Story (DougLee, 8/95) - A blatantly manipulative sob story from a stripper that is so trite and hackneyed, it acts as an effective emetic.


In a word...™ (ALS, 12/02/96) - A word is all you need to sum it all up...,


IRC - Internet Relay Chat. ASSCers™ chat on channel #ass-c™. IRC FAQ can be found at


K-Mart crowd - Cheap, non-tipping stage gawkers.  K-Mart crowd control - Obnoxious and insulting attempts by the DJ to get the K-Mart crowd to tip.


kill filters - A function of some news readers that kill spam. See "AGENT 1.7", "MT-NewsWatcher v2.x", "NewsXpress 2.0", & "YetAnotherNewswatcher!"


LBB™, The Little Black Book™ (ALS, 9/06/95) - An ALS publication.


LDE™, Lap Dance Equivalent (ENGNR1, 1996) - LDE = $10 as a common measure. This means at a place where laps are $20 you should expect twice the happiness accruing from an average lap dance (either twice the song length, twice the grind, or additional touchy feely stuff, or if nothing else, making you cum). i.e.: ENGNR1 "Isn't Knott's almost as expensive as Disneyland, $30, or 3 LDE™'s, to get in?"


LDNP™, LapDanceNationalPark™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1995) - Amusement park where the family who comes together, cums together.


Link (c.3/96, - President of LNS™ and all of its satellite bureau’s; LNS™ North Shore Bureau, LNS™ Okeefenokee Bureau, LNS™ Pentagon Bureau, etc. Link is our "man on the beat"… if ya know what I mean… (==/`=)™


LLCoolChez© - LLC's crib that's giving ChezMaz™ a run for his money. (Do you have room service?) "no… and the restroom is down the block at the Chevron station because the landlord is a notorious cheap fuck, butt(!), we also have a steady stream of dancers…"


LMR ( - A.S.S-C's LV SC expert, who maintains the "Las Vegas Strip Club Review" @ Will lap anywhere: In-flight, gondola ski lift, bus, his mother's funeral, your mother's funeral, you name it…


LNS™ (Link, 1996) - Lapdance News Service. A wholly owned division of ASSCnn™.


LRR™ (SamKool, 9/02/98) - Lather Rinse Repeat, 1) RePiphing 2) doing something against all measures of common sense, again… and again… and again…


Marc182 (12/93, - A.S.S-C's resident slacker. Rumored occupation: Chief of "ASSC added" Police


MB, MBOT - Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre in SF. The most unique strip/sex entertainment club in the US. It's a must-see.


MBOT: The List™ (SFSCU, 6/82) - An ongoing database of MBOT strippers and their menu's. Just recently made available to the public!


Mercy Dance/Tip (Siren) - Buying a dance/tipping to spare a dancer from absolute poverty on slow nights. Mercy tipping leads to mercy dances.


mileage - bang for your buck. see "YMMV™"


mileage codes - the Dispater Code Scale™ (Dispater, 1995)

  • 001  BI - The position of this special should make it's meaning obvious, when seen relative to other specials.
  • 002  Cream Pie - Time to get that tongue extension.
  • 003  BJ - I think we all know what this one is.
  • 004  Gyno Show - Is there a doctor in the house?
  • 005  HJ - Hand Job
  • 006  clit massage
  • 007  advanced feeding - Has to be nipples *in* the mouth
  • 008  magic fingers - Your basic groping
  • 009  half pie - 002, but only through the clit patch
  • 010  stick shifting
  • 011  Stevie W.
  • 012  extra peek


MPCN™, Mon Petite Cahier Noire™ (My Little Black Book) (ALS, 4/05/96) - An ALS publication; the CP equivalent of the LBB™.


Mr. King ( - A.S.S-C's SF Asian expert. If you have yellow fever, he'll find you more than one cure.


MSC - Market Street Cinema, SF. Ya wanna get laid? No problem.


MT-NewsWatcher v2.x - News reader for the Mac. Has excellent kill filters for weeding out spam.


NC, NCT - New Century (Theater), SF. The former home of the SF branch of A.S.S-C, now abandoned by most dancers and many customers.


NewsXpress 2.0 (Win95) - News reader for the PC. Has excellent kill filters for weeding out spam. []


(The) Office (ALS, 1/12/96) - the area of any strip club where ASSCing™ takes place.


Ook, a.k.a. Orator Of Krap™ (11/96, - Ranting lessons? Apply within. Publisher of The Rant & Review©


PDOM™, Professional Dirty Old Man (Oldguru, 5/13/99) - Oldguru


PE™, Potential Epiphanizer™ (ALS, 11/97) - a) A stripper that will make you see the light… and destroy your life… in the future… as in-->  I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph… (60 days later) "Dear A.S.S-C…"; b) MsGinger might put it like this: "The one who takes you to that place you will someday find yourself…"


Pervometry™: A hierarchical approach to MBOT scheduling. (Gonzallo Gonzista, 10/96) - First string is chicks I'm dying to see; I write their name in all caps next to the date. Second string: chicks that will serve as a good backup if the first stringers don't show; I write with first letter capitalized next to the date. Third string: new girls, and girls I'm vaguely interested in; I write their names in all lower case. Then, girls my buddies are interested in are prefaced with a _, but then get a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd string notation. Typically, after a PS or two, all 1st stringers drop to 3rd string, then work their way back up or fall off the list. From that, using skill and instinct, I choose the EXACT PERFECT DAY to go. The preferred web scheduling URL is The backup schedule is


PL™, Pathetic Loser (Siren, 2/96) - (a) The term Siren used in a private email to another stripper to describe ASSCers™, accidentally posted the email to A.S.S-C, and was flamed relentlessly by ASSCers™ whose fragile egos were bruised; (b) Saxbeat adds, "someone who comes to A.S.S-C for advice on his (or her) love life."


PS, Private Show(s) -

  • HJ - Hand Job
  • BJ - Blow Job
  • FS - Full Service
  • BBHJ - Bare Back Hand Job
  • BBBJ - Bare Back Blow Job
  • BBFS - Bare Back Full Service
  • CHJ - Covered Hand Job (you wear condom or she wears glove)
  • CBJ - Covered Blow Job
  • CFS - Covered Full Service


Raincoaters™, RCs™ (Blue1133, 6/22/99) – (1) The most perverse of the perverted. (2) Those of us who go to too many raunchy SCs. Raincoaters like raw strippers over 30 with big hair, fake tits and thigh-high come-fuck-me-boots, and, as long as she can squat and pump, don't really care if she can dance at all. RCs™ use SCing for the primal experience of carnal lust for its own sake. They often welcome the opportunity for an encounter that requires only the use of their reptilian hindbrain.


RIL™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1998) - Regular In Love; you are a regular customer of hers and you are in love with her.


S-Gen™ (SamKool, 5/10/99) - A stripper generation. 1 S-Gen™ = 5 years.


SamKool (8/12/98, - Current Glossarist and lead bookmaker for the ASSCasino™. Rumored occupation: hunting down ALS for the Doctrine King


SCene™ (ALS, 12/97) - Strip Club scene.


SFC™, (Bubba, 1995) - Stage/Front-Center, the best seat at CP to watch the stage show.


Shift Happens™ (Bubba, 1995) - Whenever an ATF™ does not appear on her regularly scheduled day or night.


Shill, shilling (Saxbeat, 10/95) - guys who work for clubs posing as members of the public, making false club recommendations. Guys who do this are 'shills'.


SHIT!FUCK!DAMN!™ (TallGuy, 7/30/97) - That pretty much says it all.


‘shrooms™ (SaiBaba, 11/99) - ASSCers™ that just sit in the back, don't lap, don't tip, don’t talk, don't buy drinks... like a bunch o' fucking mushrooms.


Sick Fuck Brigade™, SFB™ (Blue1133, 6/22/99) - The opposite end of the spectrum from Raincoaters™ (RCs™). Most prefer overly young strippers with small natural breasts dressed in school-girl costumes. Brigadiers often consider the dance or the tease to be as erotic as the actual display of flesh. Usually "sensitive" types, they deem conversation or relationships with dancers to be an important part of the SC experience. Most are BLTs™ and many sooner or later become White Knights.


Snaggy™ (Siren, 2/96) - 1) Sensitive New-Age Guys 2) emotionally weak guys who would do anything for a woman. LMR adds: it's what every woman claims to want in a man, but wouldn't hesitate 2 seconds to toss him out the door for a hardcore asshole. See "PL™"


Stage Inflation™ (LMR, 4/97) - While sitting at the stage, customers start tipping more because other customers are tipping more.


Stick shifting (Z Bone, 1995) - This is when the dancer grabs your bare cock with her bare hands and moves it around.


Strip club - Something you don't want to own.


Strip Mining™ (PIC, 12/01/00) - Going to several strip clubs in one night to find a dancer that'll give you the mileage you want.


Stripper Damage - The negative psychological impact of the biz on a dancer, leading to drinking, drugs, unhappiness, etc.


Stripper Shit (Dunk On You, 4/96) - Teasing methods to induce arousal and cash spewing. Rubbing her leg on yours, fingernails running up and down your leg, standing next to you straddling your leg, etc.


TAFKA™ (Saxbeat/David, 1996) - (1) The Artist Formerly Known As; (2) The ASSCer™ Formerly Known As


Ted Turner (ASSCnn™@ASSCnn™.CNN) - Founder, Chairman of the Bored, President, & CEO of ASSCnn™.


Teddy Bear Brigade™, TBB™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1997) - Deluded customers that believe a stripper will fall in love with him if he gives her a teddy bear. Derived from the Gemini article entitled something like "Attract Strippers With a Teddy Bear!" Ok, everybody ready? On the count of 3. 1… 2… 3! *puke*


textbook flame (SamKool, 9/13/99) - hilarious retort that makes you laugh your ass off while pounding the original author/matter/material/topic/text/point/argument/thought/discussion into a spiritless state.


TL - Tropical Lei, Upland, California.


Touron™ (Ook, 8/20/98) - A tourist moron with an expense account.


vi$$i™, a.k.a. Vissidarte, (ALS, 2/96) - "The Man… The Myth… The All-Time ATM…"™ See me crash and burn @


White Knight (DougLee, 1995) - Insane ASSCer™ trying vainly to save a dancer from squalor/drugs/ALS/etc.


X-Factor (Alan Bostick, 4/96) - attitude. "she…can convince me…that spending time with her is the sexiest thing I could imagine doing…"


YAGB™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1995) – Yet Another Good Bye, the proclamation of an Epiphany by an ASSCer™.


YBYOD™ (SamKool, 1/09/99) - Why BYOD™ if you can’t hang on to her?


YetAnotherNewswatcher! - News reader for the Mac. Has excellent kill filters for weeding out spam.


YHTBD™, You Had To Be Dere (SaiBaba, 1/14/99) - And believe me, ya did.


YMMV™, YMWV™ (ASS-C.COM™, 1995) - Your Mileage May (Will) Vary


Z Bone, a.k.a. Z (1995, - A.S.S-C's LA SC expert. Webmaster of Z Bone's LA Strip Club Connection @ A wannabe DJ @ Sam's. Will 187 anyone @ the drop of a lap… well, @ the drop of 48 laps…


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