Z Bone on Mars

By Link (with apologies to Edgar Rice Burroughs)

Millions know about the night that Z Bone made his mark,
Of how his mighty splooge had spun and bounced throughout the dark.
But few could know our hero found no solace in the bars,
He spent the next five days with Molli -- on the planet Mars.

Through our newsgroup, the Martians read of the night's affair,
Of 299 lap dances performed upon a chair.
Mars' low gravity meant friction was all but defeated.
They knew only air dances, so help was sorely needed.

A space ship came for our heroes and blasted through the sky.
Mars knew only newsgroups, so the aliens wondered why
The Catholic Church made ALS the head of church and state?
Why Gemini did know the ways to find a perfect mate?

Why Laar craved his soy sauce, and why ASSCers love to meet?
So many queries made our Z Bone dizzy in his seat.
He answered till the reddish orb grew large and brightly lit.
Then off they went to the nearest strip club, lickety-split.

Never having seen a club, but based on what they'd read,
Mars pieced together this-and-that from bits of what was said.
Tangled origami hung above the doors and bar.
Red and black tinsel trimmed a stage even more bizarre.

Built from NASA wreckage, a steel platform twelve-feet tall
Held two old females cooing a Martian mating call.
The males seemed disappointed, rarely looking at the stage,
Till the two coldly flapped their legs and flew into a rage.

Three female Martian dancers worked the crowd for meager tips.
One spun upon a pole, three breasts tucked between her hips.
Another dancer oozed from beneath each suction cup.
The third -- a moist green cloud -- made you cough when standing up.

The Martians asked our heroes about the club's potential
And what it would take to make the place, quintessential.
The pair knew only one way to thaw it from deep-freeze.
A team effort calibrated for the perfect strip-tease.

ALS took the task of putting accounts in order.
Maz commissioned new housing, well built with bricks and mortar.
Bubba used his charm, till the dancers gained a sweet tooth.
And Siren showed the ladies how to steam up a seat booth.

Molli struck the old decor and crafted a softer feel.
Z Bone taught the DJ patter and made him less genteel.
IRL equipped the office with a new PC from Dell.
Eye instructed reviewers on the merits of show-and-tell.

On opening night, the Chez Mars was the happiest of places.
The three-breasted dancer Stevie-Wondered an entire row of faces
With her suction cups, the second one made customers delirious.
And the misty one formed a soft caress that felt oh-so mysterious.

The gang had done its job well -- this joint was really jumping.
Every Martian male sex organ was rapidly and wildly thumping.
The booths were overflowing with juices indescribable.
Who would have thought their scaly skin could be so pliable?

As Z Bone and Molli took their leave to bid Mars goodbye,
Z Bone looked on his soul mate, and a tear formed in his eye,
"With the Martians' joy and friendship, you would never know
I had splooged in lieu of a record, five short days ago."