a storm is brewing.

	Some names have been changed. And some comments added for
clarification.

9:30 p.m. 1/24/97
	Tonight, go to  Deja Vu as planned a month ago. It's raining
tonight. So what. Looked in newspaper for 1/2 off coupon. Nope. No
longer offered. Saw in ad that Tuesday is 2-for-1 night and Thursday
is duo night. Damn. Those are my work nights. Maybe next month take a
day off and go the previous night so don't have to worry about waking
up early next morning. Anyway, time to relieve pent-up stress and male
aggression.

3:34 a.m. 1/25/97
	SIGH. AHH yes. So wonderful. Anyway, got to Deja Vu at 10:40
p.m. Sat down and watched the show. Still crowded but not as crowded
as last time. 10 minutes later, showgirl round-up on stage. Saw
"Twentynine". Don't see Cece [Tori Amos look-alike]. Don't see Angel.
Oh well. The usual birthday guy/soon-to-be-married guy lap dance on
stage. Then, the dancers wander about. Turned down two dancers.
"Twnetynine" comes by. She doesn't remember me. oh well. don't blame
her. i'm not that distinguishable. So, we went to get laps. She's as
fun as the last time. [ uh, hold on. sorry for the interruption. as
i'm typing this, i'm listening to Cure album "Wild Mood Swings", and
the song "Strange Attraction" starts playing. and i was typing and
these lyrics are sung - "strange attraction spread it's wings. it
varies but the smallest things. you never know how anything will
change. strange attraction spreads it's wings. and alters but the
smallest things. you never know how anything will fade." o.k., back to
the post. sorry.] oh, and she tells me that I look like her boyfriend
when she was sixteen. Yuh, right. Anyway, we hugged. She liked that.
Me too. Didn't suck on her nipples this time, but I did pinch them a
couple of times. And grabbed and fondled her breasts. Mmmm. Her body
feels nice against mine. After three sessions, time to go. She tells
me that I get to get a Deja Vu cap, since that was a prize being
offered, mentioned by the DJ, when started lapping. So, kissing a
couple of times along the way, we went hand in hand to the DJ booth.
We got to the booth. A blonde in tux comes up and talks to her. I
guess she was a friend. Anyway, "Twentynine" places the prize coupon
between her mouth. So, moving closer, I take the card w/ my mouth. She
then continues to talk to her friend a bit. Then her friend leaves.
"Twentynine" escorts me back to my seat. Along the way, she tells that
she [blonde in tux] was her friend and a former co-worker at Market
Street Cinema. Anyway, we sat down. She tells me I'm sweet [damn],
kisses me, then goes away telling me she'll see me again later. And
I'll write some more after I get some sleep. Preferably w/ sweet
dreams of her.

8:50 p.m. 1/25/97
	Woke up about 1 p.m. Spent most of day working on second
computer. Played some computer games.
	Anyway, to continue about last night's adventure. Well,
comment about the line-up earlier. There was an Uma Thurman
look-alike, but a bit heavier. Saw "Twentytwo". A bit more dancers
than previous visit. And again, one that reminds me of [first love].
Just wasn't sure. Almost looked like her. Possible hint of recognition
when looked eye-to-eye from a distance for a few seconds. Oh well. So.
Anyway. There was the $1 lap sessions. Watched the different laps. Saw
"Twentynine". Twinge of jealousy. Uh oh. So participated in $1 laps w/
different dancers. Not too exciting. Then announcement of 2-for-1 lap
dances. Cool. Accepted first dancer who asked me. Sorta reminded me of
Shera [another former co-worker, often referred to as "psycho-bi", an
equal opportunity lech] but w/ very short curly auburn hair. Then we
lapped. Very nice. Very nice. Small breasts and, wow, pierced right
nipple. Very comfy ride. Energetic. She was sweating, I was getting
hot. Moved to another booth w/ better seating. Ahh. Much better. Much
better feel w/ her riding my crotch. OOOH. Oh yeah, her name is Tyler.
Afterwards, walked around. Definitely not as crowded as last time, but
still a lot of rowdy frat boys sitting stage side. I sat down. Then
was asked by another dancer. She told me that we had previously did a
$1 lap. So I decided to try her out. She sorta reminds me of [model]
w/ bigger breasts. 2 sessions w/ her. Didn't get excited as much w/
her. But, she did feel soft and comfy. Very squeezeable breasts. She
stroked my crotch a couple of times trying to keep me up, but didn't
help much. She didn't turn me on. Oh well. Afterwards, walked around
again. Then heard announcement for another 2-for-1. Went to make some
more cash withdrawals. Took too long waiting for previous guy to
finish. Lost opportunity to get a lap. Oh well. Went closer to stage
and watched.  
	Saw the dancer that looks like [first love. alright, i'll
refer to her as "S"]. Again, strange sense of recognition when look at
each other. This happens during the whole night. Watch a couple more
dancers on stage. Then the usual birthday guy dance w/ dancers on
stage. Of course, "Twentynine" was in view. Try not to stare. Looked
at other girls. Then dancers went off the stage. Declined some more
dancers.
	 "Twentynine" comes by and asks if I'm ready. Had to think
about it. Had $80 left. She's worth more than that. Oh well, decided
to go for it. Asked her where we going. She suggests the downstairs
rooms. 3 for $60. Went to bedroom fantasy room. Yes! First song.
Groping w/ her on top of me. More hugs. She tells me she's enjoying
this. In the back of my mind, warnings of dancer tricks - don't take
too seriously. 2nd song. She's fully nude. I rub her ass. I stroke her
breasts. We kiss some more. We hug some more. We bounce some more.
Again, she tells me she likes being w/ me. Um, sure, right. snort. She
jokingly asks "what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?"
I nervously laugh. More bouncing. 3rd song. More intense. More moaning
from me. Tighter hugs. Grab her ass to move her pussy closer to my
crotch. We move in rhythm. Tried not to cum. Hard to control. Heavy
breathing. Faster. Intense.... Song finishes. Very tight prolonged
hug. Some more kisses. sigh. She tells me that if she's available, go
ahead and ask her for a dance. I ask about her schedule. Usually not
work Fridays. Works [days of the week]. We walk out of the booth hand
in hand. More kissing. As we walk up the stairs, she comments that
she's shorter than me. Oh yeah.
	We walk back to where I was originally sitting. She sits w/
me, still holding my hand. We watch the stage shows. Bought her a
drink. Talked a bit. Asked if I live in San Francisco. Replied yes.
She commented about something sounding like she was trying to ask me
out. Huh? Started to think possible dancer trick. Anyway, continue
watching stage shows. Tyler on stage. Very good dancer. Yum. Then
showgirl of the year, Summer, on stage. Top heavy blonde. "Twentynine"
tells me that Summer is a nice girl just like her. Then at second set,
"Twentynine" tells me that this is the best part. Wow, very good pole
work. I commented that no wonder Summer was showgirl of the year.
"Twentynine" tells me that Summer goes back to L.A. and I should get a
lap form Summer. I replied that I was already maxed out. Oh well.
Next, another contest. She tells me that she used to participate in
the contests, but lately she's usually occupied when the contests take
place. During the whole time she was sitting w/ me, we held hands.
Anyway, she puts back on her high heels, and tells me she'll be right
back. Then I thought, should I leave or should I stay. There was still
a part of me that keeps thinking that she was just using a dancer
trick, i.e. maneuvering to keep a customer to keep interested and keep
paying. Anyway, decided to stay and check out the rest of the dancers.
Then Cece was on stage. I didn't recognize her. She didn't look like
Tori Amos this time. Her hair was tied back. And I realized she was
one of the dancers I declined earlier - she came over to me, took my
hand, and said "come. you must dance w/ me." Oh well.  Then
"Twentynine" returns. Said she was sorry for taking too long, she did
lap along the way. Told her didn't mind. Watched stage. Then [the one
that didn't turn me on] on stage. She was a better dancer on stage.
Just like what I've read, a very good stage dance doesn't always mean
a good lap dance. Anyway, "Twentynine" and I didn't hold hands this
time. Another dancer on stage. "Twentynine" says she'll be right back.
Kisses me some more. Sigh. Watched some more dancers. Declined some
more dancers. Got to see Angel dance. Definitely have to get a lap w/
her. Then saw "Twentytwo". Then saw dancer named Raven. Nice. Gothic
look. On her second dance, announcement that this was last dance.
Decided to leave. Didn't think there was much a connection between
"Twentynine" and me beyond dancer and customer. Part of me hoped there
was more. I very much enjoyed her company. But still nagging feeling
of not taking it too seriously. Just a fantasy and treat it that way.
	So, walked out of the club and into the rain. Quietly walked
to my car and enjoying the rain.
	As I drove away, the new Nine Inch Nails song "Perfect Drug"
played on the radio. I was singing along, shedding a tear, thinking of
"Twentynine".  While driving a couple of minutes after the song, saw
someone on the street wearing a cap. DOH! I realized I forgot to hand
over the prize coupon at the front door to get a free cap. Oh well.
Halfway home, played Garbage tape. 4 blocks away from apartment, song
"My Lover's Box" played. Get goose bumps at the lines - "Send me an
angel to love, I need to feel a little piece of heaven. Send me an
angel to love, I'm afraid I'll never get to heaven."
	
	Relationship with a stripper? What the hell was I thinking!
just don't know. twinge of jealousy when i see her with someone. Don't
know if she was being serious with me. Going back again. But not sure
when. Unsure of my pager schedule. Planned on going to Chez Paree on
valentine's day, but now go to Deja Vu. But pager schedule will change
and get stuck w/ pager duty during that week. Damn. Well, probably go
week later on Saturday. 

10:05 p.m. 1/28/97
	Still think about her. But I think there's nothing really
there. Just a fantasy. There was no real feeling from her. Just paying
her to make me feel good.
	I'll be on pager duty during the week valentine's day is on.
Maybe go back to Chez Paree on Feb 22 and try to experience Molli. But
I still think of "Twentynine". Part of me still wants to find out what
she feels about me. If she remembers me when I go again. A part of me
wants to believe in her. Wants to believe in her true intentions. But
what am i doing. She's a stripper. Paid to sexually stimulate.
	I wasn't looking for a girlfriend when started going into a
strip-club. Just wanted to get sexually stimulated., seeing strippers
as sex toys.
	I remembered a newsgroup posting. Stripper as a drug. So true.
Elation at the moment. But, have to pay more to get more elation.
	Should I turn off my mind, my emotion, and let my body
experience what it craves for? Experience one stripper. Then taste
another. And another. Just some more.



mars at wco dot com