Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre
San Francisco, California
Frequently Asked Questions
version 1.2 by Word Smith (
March 5, 1997

0. What's new?

 * Daytime lap dance price is now $10, pretty much (1.4.2)
 * Updated "other clubs" info (1.11)
 * Wall dancing is gone; cabanas made it redundant (2.6, 5)
 * Construction and reconfiguration are underway (2.10)
 * The freeways have mutated again, necessitating modified directions
 * *NEW!* O'Farrell Slut-o-meter (6)
1. Basic Information
2. The Rooms
3. Logistics
4. Strategies
5. Map
6. Slut-o-meter

1. Basic Information

 1.1  What is the O'Farrell Theatre?

The Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre is a world-famous strip club and
sex-show emporium in San Francisco, California, USA. Also known as "the
O'Farrell", "Mitchell Brothers", or just "MB", the theatre features seven
different rooms, each with its own show. Every room is open every day.
Although you can buy snacks and sodas from a service window in the
theatre, the O'Farrell's main product is not food or drink -- it's

 1.2  So it's a strip joint?

Well, women do take their clothes off while you watch. But this is not a
standard strip club. At the O'Farrell, you can:

- Get a lap dance in a regulation-size movie theatre while watching a
pornographic movie.
- Sit in a restaurant-style booth and watch two women have sex with a
dildo on the table in front of you.
- Stand in a large private booth while while a woman rubs her body against
- Get a lap dance from a nude woman who is playing with another nude
- Stand in a peep-style private booth and watch a nude woman who performs
for you -- and then leans into the booth with you!
- Go into a room for 10 minutes with a woman who performs to your commands
while you masturbate.

All this and so much more await you at the O'Farrell, as long as you bring
lots and lots of money.

 1.3  How much do the women touch me? How much can I touch them?

They touch you a lot, and you can touch them a lot. In general, you have
to tip in order to touch or be touched. Exactly how much touching there is
depends on the room you're in, the amount of the tip, and the whim of the
woman you're with. Energetic lap dances from women in bikinis, lingerie,
and Frederick's-style dresses are readily available. Nude lap dances are
available in one room, the Kopenhagen Lounge. See The Rooms section for
details of each room's protocols.
 1.4  How much does it cost? What about tips?

Admission to the O'Farrell is expensive ($20 or more, depending on the
time of day), but that's a drop in the bucket compared to what you're
likely to put out in tips. You can easily spend $100 an hour or more
having fun at the O'Farrell. You can also get by without spending anything
more than the admission fee, but you'll have a lot less fun.

For this FAQ's tipping discussion, the services available at the O'Farrell
can be grouped into three general categories: stage dancing, lap dancing,
and personal shows. 

  1.4.1  Stage dancing tips

Stage dancing tips are as in any conventional club: $1 or $5 shows
appreciation for the dancer, and usually get you a smile or a few moments
attention from the stage. This kind of tipping happens mainly in the New
York Live room.

  1.4.2  Lap dancing tips

Lap dancing tips are also similar to those in other clubs, although
cheaper than in many other cities. The typical lap dance tip is $10
(daytime) or $10 to $20 (at night) for an indeterminate length of time,
usually 2 to 3 minutes. The length of time per tip depends on the dancer
and the room. Tips aren't timed to songs as in many other clubs mainly
because several rooms don't have music playing. You'll know it's over when
she asks you for more money.

  1.4.3  Personal shows

The real specialties at the O'Farrell are the various personal shows
available in each room. The tips for these are high, ranging from $5 for
basics to $40 or more for exotica. See the descriptions of the rooms for
more details on tipping practices.

 1.5  Are there lesbian sex shows?

Several of the rooms feature sex acts between women, including kissing,
licking fun parts, fingering interesting places, and penetration with
dildos. Some of these acts are enthusiastic, realistic, and sensual, while
others are cursory and phony, a half-hearted lick or a disinterested
stroke. Some of the O'Farrell women are lesbian or bisexual exhibitionists
who really get off by having sex while being closely watched by paying
customers. Most, however, are in it chiefly for the money, and some of
those are good actors.

 1.6  How attractive are the women?

Very, and with some variety. There are big breasts, little breasts, and
boob jobs. Most have hard, firm, smooth bodies. Most are medium height or
taller. Most have very pretty faces (or at least good enough for theatre
lighting). Haircuts are various and stylish, although not as punky as you
might expect for San Francisco. Ethnic types are mostly white, including
California Blonde and European, with some Asians and African-Americans.

 1.7  What are the attitudes and personalities of the women?

Most of the women are a pleasure to talk to. Maybe the most refreshing
aspect of the O'Farrell atmosphere vs. standard strip clubs is that there
is no pretense that you're there to think about anything except sex. You
don't have to talk to the women about baseball, real estate, or the
weather. Instead, you can tell her how her ass feels, joke about how
aroused you are, or ask her how she likes to have sex. And she won't
pretend to be offended when you do.

Many of the O'Farrell women are intelligent, and some are even
intellectual (or at least hip). Most of them understand the power that
their sexuality provides them and are strong and fun to be with. You'll
find very few victim types or women who feel out of control of their
lives, although they have the same sets of problems as other folks in the
world, including other strip club dancers.

Some O'Farrell women have a "princess" attitude. These women have already
decided that you are only there to worship them, that you're barely worthy
of that privilege, and that you should give them money without getting
much in return. You'll know these women by their attitude when you meet
them. Luckily, they comprise a minority at the O'Farrell -- maybe 15%,
depending on the group you encounter on your lucky day.

 1.8  Will I get ripped off or pressured to spend money?

The O'Farrell features seven (count 'em) different rooms, each with its
own show. See The Rooms section for delicious details. In various of the
O'Farrell showrooms, women will approach you and say "Do you want some
company?" or some variant thereof, which is a secret-code way to ask if
you want to buy a lap dance from them. You can turn them down with a
simple "no, thanks" and a smile, and they'll go away. A few minutes later,
another will come by. So, you will get frequent polite offers for lap
dances, but you will not be pressured.

If you provide a tip and the woman wants more money before beginning,
she'll usually say something like "Do you have another one of those?" or
"Do you have a bigger present for me?" If you want to give more, give
more. If you don't, don't.

Some O'Farrell rooms offer fancier treats, such as two-women sex shows on
a table in front of you. When you get one of these, you negotiate the
price and the activities to be performed. Some women take advantage of the
complexity of the negotiations and your inability to think rationally
while talking to beautiful, naked women about sex, and they keep asking
for more money in order to do what you thought you already paid for.

The way to avoid this is to be sure to agree on exactly what you're paying
for before you fork over the bucks. Yes, this does require that you
reactivate your brain for a few minutes before returning control to your
crotch. Usually, you'll get what you paid for, and everybody will be
happy. If you get asked for more money before you've seen what you
expected to see, remind your friendly independent contractor of your prior
agreement. If there's a dispute at this point, just walk away: do not give
up more money (sucker), do not start a scene (you'll get yelled at or even
tossed out), and do not patronize that woman again.

 1.9  Is the O'Farrell legal?

Evidently, because it has rarely been raided and it's been open for
approximately 20 years. The O'Farrell is not "anything goes." There are
limits, both officially and actually, to what services you can obtain
inside. These limits change and vary over the years, depending on the
tolerance (or ineptitude) of the current city administration and the
attitude and whim of the women and theatre management. If you observe the
limits, you won't get ejected, arrested, or killed, and you'll probably
still get to have fun. For details, see the limits specified in section
2.0, The Rooms.

 1.10  Do the women there also work as prostitutes?
No, with very rare exceptions. Theatre management instantly dismisses any
woman who hints that she is available for outside illegal nookie. This
policy and the fact that working at the O'Farrell is a lucrative and safe
gig combine to keep the women out of hooking.

 1.11  Are there other places like this?
There are similar clubs in San Francisco. The New Century Theatre, only a
block away from the O'Farrell, has several similar features and showrooms.
The Market Street Cinema a mile or two away also has theatre-style seating
for lap dancing, specialized shows, and a sleazy sexual energy. Chez
Paree, also just a couple of miles away, is the official home of the
formidable San Francisco contingent of (ASS-C), led by
ASS-C Pope ALS. The Crazy Horse, located near the Market Street Cinema,
has its own unique features as well as O'Farrell-like shows. Try them all;
spend a fortune in one night.

Of course, each club is unique and has its own personality that makes it
attractive to some and a turn-off to others. The O'Farrell is known for
being the first club of its kind, for having the greatest assortment of
shows, for being a tourist attraction, and for having the largest
attendance. Its detractors say that the women are often arrogant and
greedy, and that the O'Farrell is so big and popular that it's unfriendly.
Virtually all agree that it is expensive.

 1.12  Are there women in the audiences?

Occasionally. They are usually accompanied by their male dates. Many
O'Farrell women take a particular liking to women patrons and provide free
lap dances for them. You might like to watch.

Although the O'Farrell features live sex between women, the theatre is too
mainstream and male-oriented to attract much of a lesbian clientele.

 1.13  When I get a , can I  <[action]|[body

Ask her. If you're wondering about a particular woman's limit, ask. She
won't slap you or walk away. She'll tell you what you need to know. A
slightly more risky way to find out is to actually try what you want to
do. This is not recommended, though, as it may result in a dispute leading
to unwanted attention or even removal from the premises.

2.0  The Rooms

When you enter the O'Farrell, you pay an admission charge and get a ticket
and a hand stamp. You can then proceed to enjoy the shows in any of the
theatre's seven rooms, except one room, the Private Show room, that
requires an additional $10 charge for admission. You can move freely among
the shows. Some of them run continuously, while others happen once every
90 minutes. There is no additional admission charge for the other six

Each room features its own show. The shows include conventional stripping
and bikini-clad lap dances (the New York Live room), a private peep show
where masturbation (yours) is encouraged (the Private Show room), a small,
dark room with two-woman sex shows and nude lap dances (the Kopenhagen
Lounge), and four others that offer various other intriguing teases (see
below for details).

 2.1  Ultra Room: Nude Peep Show with Contact

The Ultra Room is a brightly-lit, oval-shaped enclosure ringed with small
peep-style booths (about 20 of them). Each thrill-seeker enter his small
private booth and closes the phone-booth folding door behind him. The
front of each booth is a black mesh curtain, split down the middle,
reaching from about waist-level up. Below the curtain is a solid
partition. Each booth includes a tissue dispenser in case you need to mop
your brow.

As the show begins, two slightly dressed women enter the room and perform
a sex show with each other. After a few minutes of this, the performers
are nude. One or both are available for personal shows for tips. Usual
tips: $5 to dance in front of you for about 1 minute; $20 to dance and let
you touch non-naughty areas, $40 to lean into the booth with you for about
5 minutes and let you touch. The dancers used to climb into the booth with
you for $40, but a house rule almost always prevents that now.

This show runs once every 90 minutes and lasts about half an hour.

Update: Mr. King reports that as of February 21, 1997, the partition is
gone and the curtain now extends all the way to the floor, allowing the
women to enter the booth fully.

 2.2  New York Live: Stripping and Lapping

The New York Live is a stage surrounded on three sides by theatre-style
seats. The room seats about 100 people. Dancers perform three-song sets on
the stage, one performer at a time. They strip from short dresses,
lingerie, or costumes to full nudity. While they dance, other (clothed)
women prowl the seats and offer lap dances. Usual tips: $1 to $5 for stage
performers, $10 (daytime) or $10 to $20 (night) for lap dancers for 2-3
minutes. Lap dances cost more during busy times and at night.

The general rule for lap dances in New York Live is that you can touch
anything that isn't covered up. That will get you legs, bellies, backs,
but no naughty stuff. Some women allow more. To find out if yours does,
ask her or, more dangerously, just try it. If the answer is no, she'll say
so or guide your hands away. It's a good idea to respect her limits once
they're established.

This show runs continuously.

 2.3  Green Door Room: Personal Sex Shows
The Green Door Room features a three-part show. The action begins on a
small curtained stage that actually rises several feet in the air. The
customer seating consists of padded stools surrounding several padded
tables. The show features 4 to 6 women, usually nude (or soon-to-be),
playing with each other on the stage for a few minutes. The women then
leave the stage and visit the tables, sometimes in pairs, for part 2. Upon
arriving at the tables, they spend a few minutes playing with each other,
inches from your face, for tips of $1 to $5. With rare exceptions, you
can't touch the women in this room at any time.

This act is just a tease for part 3 of the show. After the table sessions,
the women invite you to purchase a personal show at one of the four
restaurant-booth-style tables at the side of the room. You can get one or
more women to perform for you, but the specialty of this room is two-women
sex shows. Each pair is thoughtfully equipped with a full complement of
dildos, vibrators, and other toys for your viewing pleasure. Once again,
with rare exceptions, you can't touch the women in this room at any time.

These shows are expensive. Usual tips are $20 per woman for a basic nasty
licking show, $40 per woman or more if you want to see penetration or
toys. Warning: this is the easiest place to get less than you paid for.
Before forking over the bucks, make sure you and she (and she, and she,
and...) know exactly what you're paying for. Don't be vague up front, then
find yourself confronted with a demand for more money to complete what you
thought you were already getting.

By the way, those things next to the stage that look like padded footrests
are actually stools that rise from the ground. No kidding.

This show runs once every 90 minutes and lasts about half an hour.

 2.4  Private Show: Behind Closed Doors
(Mr. King reports that as of February 21, 1997, the Private Show has
closed and is apparently undergoing remodeling. However, the O'Farrell
phone recording continues to announce the presence of the Private Room.
This section will remain in the FAQ pending further investigation.)
The Private Show is just you and her behind a locked door. You're
separated from her by an optical sensor, so there's no touching. She's got
a shower, a bidet, and sex toys, and you get to tell her what to do to
herself and what to say. She'll encourage you to masturbate, and there's
even tissue to clean yourself up. How thoughtful.

You have to buy an extra $10 ticket to get 10 minutes in this room. Once
inside, you negotiate a tip with the woman. The usual tips are $20 for a
basic nude show, $40 for her to use a toy, or even bigger tips for more
complex requests. All prices include your self-satisfaction.

This room is open all the time. 
 2.5  Cine-Stage: Movies and Lap Dances
The Cine-Stage is a movie theatre with a stage in front of the screen.
Careful when you walk in -- it's dark in there, and you'll trip on the
steps if you don't wait a few minutes for your eyes to adjust! The screen
shows porn movies, often the latest releases. O'Farrell women provide
convenient lap dances while you watch.

Touching and tipping protocols are the same as in New York Live. Usual
tips: $10 (daytime) or $10 to $20 (night) for  2-3 minutes of lap dancing.
Lap dances cost more during busy times and at night.

The general rule for lap dances in the Cine-Stage is that you can touch
anything that isn't covered up. That will get you legs, bellies, backs,
but no naughty stuff. Some women allow more. To find out if yours does,
ask her or, more dangerously, just try it. If the answer is no, she'll say
so or guide your hands away. It's a good idea to respect her limits once
they're established.

This room is open all the time.

Sometimes, the stage part of the Cine-Stage hosts a special show, such as
the 1995 appearances by Divine Brown in which she "re-enacted" her
encounter with Hugh Grant, or the legendary Summer and Bambi shows of
years gone by. These shows often feature creative role-playing, costumes,
and inventive, raunchy sex. Catch one if you can.

 2.6  Cabanas: Vertical, Private Lap Dancing
If you've become a happy lap-dance customer, your O'Farrell woman will
probably offer to take you to the Cabanas. The Cabanas are a set of large
private booths at the back of the Green Door Room. Each cabana includes a
curtain that ends roughly three feet above the ground, providing
management and curious patrons with a clipped view of the goings-on

In the Cabanas, you basically get a standing-up lap dance, with more
privacy, more options, and at greater expense. You will usually pay $20
for a basic Cabana visit, $40 for a topless show and more contact. The
Cabanas are large enough to accomodate three or four humans at once.

The Cabanas are open all the time.
 2.7  Kopenhagen Lounge: Nude Laps
The Kopenhagen (or "Kope" to dancers and knowledgeable theatre denizens)
is a small, dark room ringed on all sides by red couches. When you enter,
you'll find a muted flashlight on each seat. As the show begins, music
fills the room and two women enter. They proceed to perform a show which
may consist of them stripping in front of patrons, sitting on laps, or
taking off their clothes and playing with each other briefly.

After that part is done, the real business of the Kopenhagen show begins:
nude lap dances. For $20, you can get a nude lap from either of the
performers. Some women allow you to play with their breasts during these
laps, and others don't. Some will get friskier with you for a larger tip.
As always: ask.

Mr. King reports that as of February 21, 1997, the Kopenhagen Lounge has
moved to new, roomier quarters one door down in the former Wall Dancing
Room. The old Kopenhagen Lounge is closed to imagineer a great new

This show runs once every 90 minutes and lasts about half an hour.
 2.8  Does every room operate every day?

Yes, all seven are open every day. The New York Live, Cine-Stage, Private
Show, and Cabanas start up as soon as the theatre opens or within a few
minutes thereafter, and continue until closing time. The Ultra Room, Green
Door Room, and Kopenhagen Lounge each start every 90 minutes and last for
about 20 to 30 minutes. The start times are staggered for your prurient
convenience so that one of the three starts on the half hour, every half
hour. Schedules for these shows are posted at the front of the theatre and
adjacent to the snack window in New York Live.

 2.9  Do the women move from room to room?

Yes. Women can move freely between New York Live, Cine-Stage, and Cabanas,
the main lap dancing venues. The other shows have designated performers
each day, and only those performers can be in those rooms. Sometimes the
women just stand around between rooms. You can approach them for lap

 2.10  Changes underway
The old Kopenhagen Lounge and Private Rooms are reportedly closed and
under construction. No information is available as to their fate; please
send any good rumors to

The O'Farrell Theatre will never be completed as long as there is
imagination left in the world. 

3.  Logistics

 3.1  Where is the O'Farrell? Is the neighborhood safe?

The O'Farrell is located at 895 O'Farrell Street (at Polk) in San
Francisco, on the edge of the seedy Tenderloin district, but only one
block from tourist-friendly Van Ness Avenue. The location is pretty safe,
day or night, but deteriorates rapidly nearby, especially to the east and
south (into the Tenderloin). Even if you are city-phobic, you should be
able to deal with parking nearby and walking to and from the O'Farrell,
especially during daylight hours. See the How do I get there? section for
more details.

Coincidentally (no, really!), the O'Farrell is just a few blocks from the
heart of San Francisco's bustling street prostitution business. By
traveling east on O'Farrell Street toward the financial district (driving
if you're city-phobic), you can see some of San Francisco's most
attractive street hookers at most hours of the day or night, dressed just
the way Hollywood says they do. The largest concentration is usually
around Leavenworth, Jones, and Taylor streets at their intersections with
O'Farrell, with more to be found a block or two north on Geary and Post
streets, with less attractive women and transvestites a block south on
poorly lit Ellis.

Even if you're not interested in hiring an illegal sex buddy, just
watching and hanging out with the hookers can liven up your visit to San
Francisco. On a Saturday night at 10 PM, you can find 40 (count 'em)
hookers within a couple of blocks of Jones and O'Farrell. It's ground zero
at zero hour.

Remember, unlike the O'Farrell Theatre, prostitution is illegal in San
Francisco at this time, so be careful. More information on San Francisco's
street hookers is beyond the scope of this document.

 3.2  What are the hours and admission charges?
The O'Farrell is open from 11:30 AM to 2:00 AM Monday through Saturday,
and from 4:30 PM to 1:00 AM Sunday. It's $20 to get in before noon, $25
from noon to 6:00 PM, and $30 after 6:00 PM. To make sure you have the
latest information, call the O'Farrell at 415-776-6686 on the day you want
to go, or check the web site at

The web site has a coupon for $10 off admission. It's accepted without

 3.3  How do I get to the O'Farrell?
Practice, practice, practice!

From downtown San Francisco: drive to O'Farrell and Polk (one block east
of Van Ness) or take a cab. If you can afford to visit the O'Farrell, you
can afford to avoid San Francisco's mass transit system. Every cab driver
knows the way, of course, and it's a quick ride from anywhere downtown. If
you're particularly adventurous, you can walk from your downtown hotel. 

Note about reaching San Francisco from other area cities: the freeway
system in San Francisco has been undergoing constant change since the 1989
earthquake. If you're extra cautious, you might want to call the O'Farrell
before your journey to verify directions.

From points south (the peninsula, San Jose, San Mateo, Silicon Valley,
Palo Alto, Los Angeles, Tijuana): take U.S. 101 north to San Francisco.
Once in the city, stay on the elevated freeway until forced to exit.
Ignore all non-forced exits, including any labeled "U.S. 101". (The forced
exit is currently named Mission St./Duboce St., but that may change). At
the bottom of the off-ramp, turn right onto Mission. Choose any of the
middle three lanes of this five-lane street. Turn left very soon onto
South Van Ness. Continue on Van Ness for a couple of miles to O'Farrell
Street. Turn right onto O'Farrell (just past the car dealership where
Herbie the Volkswagen came from in "The Love Bug".) Go one block and look
for the marquee on your right.

From points north (Sausalito, the rest of Marin County, San Rafael, Sonoma
County, Redmond): take U.S. 101 south across the Golden Gate bridge. Avoid
head-on collisions. Continue following the signs for 101 south after the
freeway ends. You'll eventually end up on Van Ness Avenue. Turn left at
O'Farrell Street, just past the Cathedral Hill Hotel. Go one block and
look for the marquee on your right.

From points east (Oakland, Berkeley, the rest of Alameda County, Walnut
Creek, the rest of Contra Costa County, Philadelphia): take I-80 across
the Bay Bridge into San Francisco. Pay the outrageous bridge toll (this
will help prepare you for tipping at the O'Farrell). Follow the signs to
U.S. 101 north. Once on 101 north, stay on the elevated freeway until
forced to exit. Ignore all non-forced exits, including any labeled "U.S.
101". (The forced exit is currently named Mission St./Duboce St., but that
may change). At the bottom of the off-ramp, turn right onto Mission.
Choose any of the middle three lanes of this five-lane street. Turn left
very soon onto South Van Ness. Continue on Van Ness for a couple of miles
to O'Farrell Street. Turn right onto O'Farrell (just past the car
dealership where Herbie the Volkswagen came from in "The Love Bug".) Go
one block and look for the marquee on your right.

From points west: sail through the Golden Gate into San Francisco Bay.
Avoid suicide leapers. Dock at St. Francis Yacht Club. Elude security.
Take a cab to O'Farrell and Polk.

  3.3.1  Where can I park?
You can look for on-street parking all around the theatre. You have to
return to your car every hour to feed the meter during meter hours. If you
prefer a parking lot, there are several nearby, mainly on Van Ness.
Recommended, but expensive: the Cathedral Hill parking garage is indoors
and safe, but it will cost you about $4/hour. Cheap, but not indoors:
there's a parking lot on Van Ness just north of O'Farrell where you can
park all day for $5. Other possibilities: garage above The Good Guys on
Van Ness at Geary (also expensive). 
 3.4  Once inside, is the theatre safe?
The O'Farrell Theatre is very safe. The clientele are upscale enough to
have coughed up a big cover charge and aren't going to cause any trouble.
No alcohol is served, so nobody gets drunk and stupid. Security is subtle,
but it's there, and bad things almost never happen. It's safer than your
average ordinary safe strip club.

 3.5  What should I wear?

This is San Francisco. Wear whatever you want. Dress up or down, or in
drag. A recently removed sign in the O'Farrell lobby read "Federal law
prohibits the selling of tickets to any patron wearing shorts." Don't you
be fooled, friend. Go ahead and wear those shorts. There is certainly no
such law, and the sign was not an attempt to make you comply with some
club policy. Patrons in shorts have equal rights at the O'Farrell,
although some have reported being told to be sure to wear long pants "next

4.  Strategies

Before you go, figure out how much you're going to spend and what you
really want to do. Take all the money you intend to spend and leave the
rest, including your wallet, at home. Bring the money in the denominations
you will use: $10 bills are most versatile, $20s (and up) most beloved by
the women. Decide what you prefer: lap dances, two-woman shows, lots of
contact, or whatever. If you want occasional lap dances, you can probably
get by on $20 to $40 an hour, or more if you're there at night or at a
busy time, when prices tend to go up. If you want some of everything, you
can have a great time for about $100 per hour. It's your money -- you

If you do bring your wallet, you can utilize the ATM in the lobby. But
beware: it is frequently out of service, so don't depend on it. If you're
really desperate, there are ATMs nearby (ask an O'Farrell woman for

4.1  More information

For more information, call the O'Farrell at 415-776-6686 and hear the
information-packed recording. Read Visit the web site
at Check out The Spectator, San Francisco's
excellent sex newspaper, for news and features. 

If you have any questions, suggestions, or corrections, write to me at . All e-mail is cheerfully answered.

5. Map

This map of the O'Farrell Theatre is best viewed in monospace font.

| Green Door Room    |         |           |         |
|          |         |         |           |         |
|          |       b |         | New York  |         |                    
|  stage  /    T   o |         |   Live    |         |
|       /  T       o |         |           |         |
|     /  tables    t |         |  stage    |         |
|   /  T      T    h |         |           |         |
|_/        T       s |         |___________|         |
|                    |                               |                    

|                    |        seating area           |
|                    |                               |
|o                   |                               |    P
|o  Cabanas                                          |    O              
|o o o o o o              snacks/drinks              |    L
|__________________      ___     ____________________|    K
|                  |     |___________|               |
|  Cine-Stage      |                         _o_o_   |    S
|                         __________       o/     \  |    T
|              s  s|             |men's|   o|     |  |    R
|   seating    t  c|     |Private|     |   o|Ultra|  |    E
|              a  r|     |       |room |   o|     |  |    E
|              g  e|     | Show  |     |   o|Room |  |    T
|    area      e  e|     |_______|_____|   o|     |  |
|              /  n|     |  women's    |   o\_____/  |
|                        |   room      |     ooooo   |
|__________________|     |_____________|_____________|
|    (under        |                                 |
|   construction)                        list of     |       S
|__________________|      __________     today's     |       ^
|o o o o o o o o o |     | tickets  |   performers   |       |
|o   Kopenhagen  o |     |__________|                |       |
|o     Lounge                                        |   E<----->W
|o                                                   |       |
|o  couch seats  o | ATM                   souvenirs |       |
|o               o | $$$                             |       N
|o o o o o o o o o |________|  entrance  |___________|

                 O'FARRELL STREET

6. Slut-o-meter(TM)

Lap dance mileage at the O'Farrell waxes and wanes over time according to
various factors. The graph below uses a weighted average from a scientific
schema based on more than 217 separate factors including current city
administration political leanings, theatre management biorhythms, local
economic conditions, and brassiere strap tensile strength. These
calculations yield the current O'Farrell sluttiness level, where 0 = death
and 10 = wild free hot monkey love.

    O'Farrell sluttiness level:

    0     1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10

                                March 5, 1997 ---> X (7.9)

About the Author

Word Smith  is the author of this document. Copyright
1996, 1997. All rights reserved. Mr. Smith's only financial relationship
with the O'Farrell Theatre is that he has spent large amounts of cash